Lesson19: How to Drive in Winter Conditions

How to Drive in Winter Conditions for Easterners

I originally wanted to title this article "How to Drive in Winter Conditions for Dummies". You know, like the hugely popular yellow-covered how-to books? Anyways, at the risk of people not getting the innuendo, or worse, offending a Torontonian ego, we'll just keep it as is.

1. Ontario winter. Its minus 12, there's snow on the road. Apocalypse is NOT now. Its not even close. You want to see cold and snowy? Move to Nowhere, Saskatchewan. In Ontario, don't freak out. Freaking out causes car accidents.
2. Your cell phone. Get off it, you fucking idiot. One hand on the wheel is not sufficient when your car starts to slide. Furthermore, since you can't see the lines on the highway, your other hand is not free to use your flasher to indicate when you're going to cut me off driving your Range Rover. I might be a good winter driver, but my creaky old Honda cannot corner like a Lamborghini when you swerve in my lane.
3. I get it. You're nervous. But driving up a snow-covered exit going 15 km/hr is not enough speed to plough through all that snow. And when you get stuck, I get stuck.
4. CTV interviewed, like 100 people from the GTA to ask about winter survival kits. I have a blanket, flares, a shovel, two scrapers, booster cables, snow pants, extra mits/hat, and a tow rope in my trunk. Most individuals only had empty Tim Horton's cups. Not good people. Its not that cold, but if you're stuck in the ditch for two hours, you're gonna wish you had thought ahead.
5. My grandfather had this silly idea in his head about his gas gage. Well, actually its not that silly. He said in the winter you should never drive with less than half a tank of gas in your car. That way, if a road was closed, or worse, you got stuck, you had enough gas to keep the ignition running sporadically (don't forget carbon monoxide risks if you're stuck in a snowbank without a clear exit for your muffler!) so you didn't freeze to death.
6. ABS. Learn to tap your breaks. If you're sliding, hitting your brakes and screaming is not the best game plan.
7. Ideally a standard is best for icy road. But if you drive an automatic, slam it into neutral if you start to slide. It stops the wheels from spinning. It also stops you from spinning out on the Gardiner, taking up 3 lanes, and causing massive traffic buildups.
8. A lot of people call into work sick because "they only drive a car". Let's be honest here: the plows do a decent job and your four door coupe is not made tin foil: it will be okay, and so will you. Just don't drive like an idiot.
9. Others with big gas-guzzling 4X4 SUVs feel legitimated in their environmentally unsound choice of vehicle when 10 cm of snow hits. For those with the carbon-emitting lifechoices: don't be an asshole on the 407 when you blow by me going 130 km/hr. You might think that your escalade makes you look manly, but I can clearly see you're overcompensating.

Overall, winter driving doesn't make me nervous. It is unseasoned winter drivers that do.

Please drive with some intelligence.