Lesson 17: Sleeping

The question of sleep:
Some people don't need it.
Some people like it.
Some LOVE it.
And others cannot function without x hours of it.

I happen to be the latter. I require a solid 9 hours of sleep to feel sane and rejuvenated. My boyfriend on the other hand, can make do with 6.
So the question then becomes, "How does a couple adjust to differences in sleeping patterns?"

Case 1:
When I want to go to sleep, I lay down, close my eyes, and in the quiet solitude of my room, quickly fall into a deep slumber.
My "partner" (if you will) does not enjoy a 10 p.m. bedtime. In fact, he would like to push it back about 2 hours.

No problem right? I can stay up a little later, he can lay down a little earlier, and I'll likely be sound asleep by the time he crawls in.
EXCEPT if your partner needs some sort of mental relaxation tool to fall asleep.
I don't understand this, but apparently it is not gender-orientated, it is just how some people are wired.

Case 1b:
A friend of mine likes to read before falling asleep. She claims it soothes her and helps her doze off.
My boyfriend enjoys watching cartoons to help him mentally "turn off" for the evening.

This to me is bizarre. I mean, if I can't fall asleep right away, I just do some yoga-esque breathing and I'm asleep like a baby.

However, trying to be open-minded, I agree to the television being on for a short period of time.
I figured one half-hour show should suffice-- NOT three hour-long episodes of Star Trek (don't get me wrong, I love NTG, but not at midnight when its breaking up my zen-like sleeping state).

The situation that really "grinds my gears" is when I awake at 3 am (and trust me, you don't want to wake me at 3 am) to find the t.v. still on as SOMEONE neglected to turn it off.

Where is the resolution?
"Reader friend" from above claims that participating in said activities in the next room is pointless, as by the time you realize your eyes are heavy, get up, close the book, turn off the lights, walk down the hallway, and crawl into bed, you are wide awake again.

How can this be resolved? Does this mean Sound Sleepers have to sacrifice an hour plus of my precious sleep time so their Sleep-Not-Needed partner can unwind properly? Does this mean that the Sleep-Not-Needed partner must run on even less sleep as they can't unwind in bed at night?

Case 2: The morning riser
Generally, the Sleep-Not-Needed partner also happens to be a Morning Riser. Not always, as sometimes their clock is just set back a few hours, resulting in the Night-Hawk-Morning Hater character.

I happen to be the Sound-Sleeper as well as a Morning Hater. I detest the sound of any alarm clock. I don't want to be awake until the sun is nearly at its daily peak.

My boyfriend, the Sleep-Not-Needed/Morning Riser has learned quickly that waking me up before I'm ready is a bad, bad idea. In fact, he refuses to try to wake me up even if I request so the evening prior as it usually results in one of two situations:
a) horrible and grouchy whining, telling him to "Leave me alone!"
b) Still sleeping response of "5 more minutes" which occurs about 15 times until, 1.5 hours later, I decide to get up.

I'm the same with an alarm clock. I like to set it a little early, so I can take advantage of the snooze button. I also set the clock 7 minutes fast, so that I wake up slowly each time practicing my 7X table trying to figure out if I can push snooze just one more time.

Case 2b:
Apparently not all partners are this accommodating. A couple of friends of mine were recently discussing how this is a point of contention: Partner A sets the alarm for 5 am, hitting snooze until she finally gets up at 8 am. Partner B (also a Morning Hater) is irate that his slumber is being disturbed every 9 minutes but a gawd-awful beeping noise.

I would hypothesize that two Morning Haters are not always the best combination.

Case 3: Sleeping after nighttime sex
The eternal predicament: how long after sex must one lay in bed? What is acceptable? Do you wait until your partner is sleeping? Are you obligated to sleep with them afterwards? If you are not a Sound Sleeper and require a mental-unwind, is it rude to turn on the Simpson's and have the romantic mood interrupted by Homer's childish wit?

I personally think that a mandatory 10 minutes needs to be put in. Especially if you didn't put in 10 minutes before it all began.
Then, if you feel its necessary, go and play Halo, watch UFC, or whatever other "relaxing" activities you feel necessary to fall asleep.

Case 4: The disturbances
There are several nighttime habits that are disruptive to a good night's sleep.
i) the tosser:
Cannot lay still, constantly moving and shifting
ii) the blanket-stealer
Inch by inch wrapping their body in all the covers so you are left with no sheet and the icy winds of winter.
iii) the bed-hog/bum sleeper/starfish
Taking far more than half of the bed, either in the starfish position, or the curled tuck position where you are constantly being bumped by their ass in your space.
iv) the loud breather
Usually associated with those who don't breathe through their nose, loud breathers often sleep mouth open, wheezing away the night.
v) the all-night bladder party
Those with the world's weakest bladder that are constantly up and back to the washroom.
vi) the snorer
Nose respiration issues, where that loud chainsaw sound continues no matter how hard you kick them, what side they lay on, or how many times you wake them. Always resulting in the following:
Partner A: "Wake up. You're snoring again"
Partner B: "No I'm not. I don't snore"
Partner A: "Yes, you woke me up with it"
Partner B: "You're having a weird dream"
Partner A: "Roll over."
Partner B: (10 minutes later...snore begins).

These too complicate varying sleeping patterns.

Options:
1. The couch.
Spacious, your own blanket, and quiet atmosphere.
2. Earplugs and eye-mask.
So you're not really sexy. But at least you're getting your beauty sleep.
3. Two bedrooms.
Takes the romance out...or does it? Maybe you'd have more sex if your partner didn't hate you for keeping them up the night before...

Would love your feedback: thoughts? Suggestions?