Lesson 10: Footwear in bed

A lesson I thought was obvious, apparently needs further clarification.
I'm sure this is not a problem for all women, but it certainly resonates with a large portion of the demographic.
Men:
Do not wear socks to bed.
Its very simple. Just take them off.

Now, I understand there are some situation where this proves more difficult than I've stated.
For example, after a formal event, you head back to a hypothetical apartment and things heat up. Generally the tie is removed and buttons undone with ease. At this point, its fair to say that tugging at the belt indicates some sort of sexual activity will take place.
Do not get so eager as to forget your socks!
A suggestion from another annonymous friend who, for privacy sake I shall refer to as Matt Gravelle, is that while making your way into a horizontal position, that you slide the socks off with your opposite foot.
Or, if necessary, quickly reach down and remove them. Nothing kills the mood like a naked man wearing only socks.
I mean, let's be honest...even Tom Cruise looked like a dumbass wearing a white tee and sweatsocks.

Q: Is it all types of socks, or are certain kinds of socks acceptable?
Well, I am very particular about socks. MY sock hierarchy (high to low) for the opposite sex goes as follows:
Ankle cut white sport socks
Low cut white sport socks
Dress socks (only acceptable with dress wear)
Black sweat socks
Grey sweat socks
Mid-calf or longer white sweat socks
Grandpa's golf socks
Angora or wool socks
Toe socks (yes I have seen men wearing these)

If you are going to wear socks, that's fine. There are times and places to wear socks. There are two fixed times and places you are NOT to wear any socks:
a) In bed.
b) With sandals. This included Birkenstocks. I don't care how lefty/hippy/radical you think you are, sock and sandals were never meant to be together.

So, in conclusion,
A: No. Socks are never to be worn in bed.

A story:
After an evening of heavy drinking, I roll over in a shared hotel room to discover the man in the other bed (whom I thought was both classy and tasteful) in his underwear and BLACK DRESS SOCKS. After dry heaving for a few minutes, I broke into a rage, and still shudder thinking of that traumatizing incident.
Ace has learned his lesson, and so should all of you:

SOCKS IN BED=no-no.


However, there is an interesting twist to this lesson:
As much as I would prefer my man wear no footwear at all, the rule cannot state that NO footwear in bed is allowed. This clause, however, is gendered.
Women too, are prohibited from wearing socks in bed, but I have yet to find opposition about high heels in bed.

Football cleats, running shoes, or even slippers are not sexy on a man, but you better believe that my black strappy stillettos are a big hit with my matching black lacy underthings. I also have these cute metallic heels with little bows that also coordinate nicely with select "evening wear".

So I'm sorry boys, but your feet are going to have to go naked in bed. No socks, no shoes, just feet.
As for women, socks are not allowed, but I think you might enjoy leaving the heels on...