Lesson 9: The Bridezilla

Bridezilla. Such a funny, yet appropriate term.
To avoid getting myself into B.T., I will try to make this as generalized as possible.
But I felt the need to share interesting bridesmaid/maid of honour antidotes.

How is this applicable for men? Its not really. Unless of course your g/f gets suckered into being a bridesmaid. Which btw means extra pressure on you when she gets to see all her friends married, and more importantly, decked out in bling bling on their fingers. Sigh, yes, I guess this very much does involve you. But not in the same way I've been involved. I have seen a whole new level of bitch.

So, the summer of 2007 seems to be the summer for marriage. Saying this, I happen to personally know 6 friends getting married in one summer.

So far are my favorite (and by favorite, I mean outlandish) stories of these brides-to-be:
1. Bridesmaids must wear full-strap dresses. This is to ensure the bride is not showed up by any of her bridal party. It does not matter if the pictures of the wedding party are hideous due to ugly costuming, it only matters that the bride shows skin and her ladies in waiting do not.
2. Receiving bulk email wedding announcements and then having angry brides complain that no one PERSONALLY called or sent cards. The nerve of people, eh?
3. Bridesmaids must wear long dresses even though it is the peak of summer, and tea-length dresses are at least semi-reusable. Reasons listed were as follows:
a) One of the bridesmaids is "too fat" to wear a short dress and the bride doesn't want ugly wedding photos of her fat cousin showing her "man-calves".
b) The wedding is "traditional" and the Anglican church of Canada would look down on showing skin....this of course does not include the sweetheart, boobie-pushup bride gown with the low-cut back. This also doesn't include the fact that the bride is neither Anglican nor God-fearing. In fact, if the Anglican church were to know about her college experiences, they probably wouldn't let the ho-train in the building....
c) Bridesmaid #3 is too short to wear a short dress. Or too tall. Or her legs look better than the bride.
4. For the overly-prepared bride, I was given a Microsoft Excel sheet of girls allowed at the stagette.
5. This list did not include past friends who had pissed off said bride for the following reasons:
a) Friend A was referred to as a "slutty whore" when bride felt Friend A was too friendly with her groom. Bride notes that Friend A cannot even attend the wedding in case her friend was to hit on the groom on the wedding day.
Give me a break.
b) Friends B and C are not allowed to the stagette because they are also getting married this summer. Bride says she does not want them to come, nor to know any details because she doesn't want them to "compare" theirs and hers, copy ideas, and furthermore, they're not even friends anymore because those bitches "chose wedding dates in MY wedding month. I've been engaged 2 months longer, they should have picked a different month to get married. I can't believe they would do that to me"
6. As the maid of honour, I was told that my job during the photo shoot, and consequential pre-reception drinking would be to babysit the bride's daughter. She would drink champagne, and I would feed Junior mushed carrots.
7. The groom's sister was not allowed in the wedding party because she was "too fat" and the bride wanted nice wedding photos.
8. Groom had to un-invite his best friend from the wedding party because he "smoked too much weed and would be squinty-eyed throughout the entire ceremony".
9. Bride was appalled when her father refused to pay an extra $2000 for an ice sculpture.
10. Close friend was not allowed in the wedding party because "She's 30 and not married and will probably ruin my day because she's jelous. Well, she never said that but if I were her I'd be worried and jelous of me".



The best part is that new stories come up every day.

I understand engagement is an exciting time. The level of selfishness and bitchiness that accompanies this exciting time is, in my mind, inexcusable. Keep up the work ladies, and you'll be lucky if anyone shows up....